


Betsy Who?

by theheadandthekin



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Demons, F/M, Humor, Parody, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-16
Updated: 2015-07-16
Packaged: 2018-04-09 12:25:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4348715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheadandthekin/pseuds/theheadandthekin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abbie and Jenny get fed up with Ichabod. And get a surprise visitor. </p><p>(LOL Betsy Ross sucked so much!!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Betsy Who?

"When General Washington asked Betsy--"

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Crane, if I hear one more word from you about Betsy Ross, I am going to fucking shove this lantern so far down your throat you'll have to pull it out of your ass."

Abbie, who stood several steps away watching out the barn window, tried very hard to hold in her laughter.

"Miss Jenny," Ichabod continued, obviously having no regard for his own safety. "I am merely stating that Miss Ross--"

"You've seen me crack open a guy's skull, right? And you still think I'm joking about shutting you up?"

Crane huffed and, keeping one eye on Jenny, paced over to Abbie's side.

He whispered, "Will you not defend your fellow Witness, Lieutenant?"

"Not against my sister. She's right, you know. You've been talking an awful lot about Betsy Ross lately."

"Does that bother you?"

Abbie pursed her lips. "You know what, Crane? It does. You're really kind of on my last nerve."

"I didn't realize--"

"We're in a damn barn, it's freezing, and this stupid demon we're hunting was supposed to be here at sunset. Honestly, I'm in less of a mood to hear about 'Ichabod Crane's Adventures With Famous People' than usual, and that's saying something."

"You don't enjoy my recounting of past events?"

"You really have to ask me that?" Abbie said, rolling her eyes.

He huffed--again. "It seems as though I must."

"Crane, unless she has something to do with the demons we're hunting, I'm not going to listen to any more about her. You can keep talking, but I am done hearing it. And I will _not_ stop Jenny from hurting you."

"You couldn't stop me if you tried, Abbie!" Jenny called from her station at the barn door.

"Can you make yourself useful and light the lantern you're holding?"

Suddenly, a loud crack sounded in the beams overhead.

"Get down!" Abbie yelled, as Crane dropped the lantern and clutched her side.

Another crack ripped the air in the barn, this time looking like a odd, straight bolt of lightning.

"There wasn't anything about fire or electricity with this demon, right?" Jenny called.

Abbie was about to answer when a voice boomed around them. It was almost deafening. Crane squeezed her tighter, but she wriggled from his grasp.

"THIS IS GOD."

"Oh, _fuck,"_ Abbie mumbled. She imagined Jenny said just about the same thing. Her partner was silent.

"I HAVE DEEMED IT NECESSARY TO BRING FORTH A NEW ALLY."

Abbie groaned. This wasn't exactly how she imagined her first meeting with the big guy.

"Great," Jenny shouted. "Is this some kind of trick?"

"NO TRICKS," the voice calling itself 'God' rumbled, "BUT TWO WITNESSES AND THEIR KIN ARE NO LONGER SUFFICIENT. I SHALL BRING FORTH ANOTHER."

"Abbie," Crane whispered, "I have my full faculties, correct? I am not hallucinating this?"

"Shut up, Crane."

The light flashed across the barn again, but this time strobed three times before everything went dark--including their lanterns. An eerie silence fell.

"Hey, God? You still there?" Abbie asked.

The silence continued.

"Well, then, shall we see what the Lord hath brought forth?" Crane extended a hand to hoist Abbie up off the hay.

Their eyes all fell on the figure in the middle of the barn at the same time. A woman lay there, clad in a tactical cargo pants, heavy holster, and a leather corset, long brown hair covering her face.

Abbie approached the woman, gun drawn, and kicked her boot. "Did God seriously just send us Angelina Jolie?"

Jenny covered her sister from the other side, and used the heel of her boot to push the woman over on her back. It would leave a bruise.

"Oh my God!" Crane exclaimed, dropping to his knees by the woman, whose face had been uncovered by Jenny's actions, and feeling for her pulse. "It's Betsy Ross! Granted, dressed in some rather strange clothing."

"So not Angelina Jolie. Crane, get back."

"Whatever for, Lieutenant? Betsy--"

"Don't even fucking say it, Crane. Get back. We don't know what she is or what that was. God has not appeared to us before, but demons have."

"Abbie's right, Crane," Jenny offered, gun still trained on this 'Betsy Ross.' "I don't trust what this is. And, frankly, your track record with women you knew from the 18th century is pretty bad, so I suggest you let Abbie and me handle this one."

He got up, and nodded. "I concede your point, Miss Jenny."

"Have your cuffs, Abbie?"

"Yeah." She tossed them to Jenny, who quickly cuffed the still-unconscious 'Betsy.'

At that moment, the woman opened her eyes. They glowed bright yellow.

"What do you think the cost is to disobey God, on the off-chance this isn't some demon?"

Crane looked nervously at the woman cuffed on the dirt. "Perhaps we shouldn't kill her ...?"

'Betsy' hissed, a snake-like tongue passing her lips.

"Hmm, on second thought ...."

"You want to do the honors, Jenny? Let's hope regular bullets kill it."

Jenny aimed her gun at the writhing demon and, without ceremony, dispatched it. The body shattered and dissipated. Definitely a demon.

"That enough to make you shut up about Betsy Ross now, Crane?" Abbie elbowed him in the side and holstered her gun.

 "Indeed." His fingers twitched at his thigh.

Jenny went over to check the barn door and Abbie studied Crane's profile.

"You want to say something more?"'

He looked down at her, sidelong over his coat collar. "Lieutenant ... Abbie. I'm sorry to have annoyed you with my talk of Betsy Ross. I ... the past, rather, is comfortable. I led those missions. Now sometimes I feel as if all I can contribute to _our_ mission together is holding the figurative lantern for you."

"This isn't the time to point out that Jenny did the lantern-holding this time?"

He tilted his head.

"Hey. I'm kidding. I couldn't do this without you, Crane. We're a team. No 'I' in team."

"And no 'Betsy Ross' either?"

She wrapped a hand around his elbow and smiled up at him. "Nope."


End file.
